Out of Sync

My life seems to be a little out of sync and a bit off track. Seems as if things are just…..a bit skewed! On my way home this afternoon I scanned through the radio station. Not really sure what I wanted to listen too. Nothing was appealing…rock, country, Christian rock, classical…nothing! Looking back I probably just needed some good old "80's Hair Band Music" or maybe some "Kingston Trio" to take me back to a time when I didn't have to worry about money, work, kids, adult kids….!

I ended up listening to a preacher, which mind you is a bit odd in the middle of a Monday afternoon. As it scanned through it stopped on a man preaching. So what caught my attention, he was talking about being at a doctor for being sick. After being checked out, the doctor prescribed him an antibiotic telling him to take it, and take it all, no questions asked. The doctor was telling him what to do, and what was best for him. It didn't matter if it inconvenienced him, it was what was best for him. The preacher didn't object but did what he was told. His story then moved on to explain how God is our doctor, and he is doing what is best for us…it may inconvenience us at time, but in the end it is what is best. Something so simplistic, yet just so difficult!

I am not good with change nor am I any good with things being off kilter. I like consistency…normalcy…Right now I long for kids to be small and back at school, and an established work week. Yet between one adult child talking marriage, another adult child off to college, a teen daughter who is less than 2 years before she graduates, the baby out of elementary school, and not to mention the never ending saga of never enough money to ever get ahead…it would seem my life is anything but normal. Not a wonder why life feels a bit off kilter!!

So I go one day at a time, praying just a bit more. Slowly letting go and just letting God. Letting go of my pride, letting go of my need to be in control, letting go of old mindsets, letting go of old assumptions and simply letting God. Shutting out that negative little voice and listening for God's voice and reading God's words.

 
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Its been awhile

It seems I have slacked again on my blog….Honestly I just didn't know what to write or how to put into words what my thoughts have been.

The past few weeks I once again have struggled with my faith, my belief. I have had that nagging little voice in the back of my head telling me "See God couldn't possibly hear all of us." Or "A logical, analytical mind cannot be a Christian as well." Or "Parts of the Bible just seem to be quite exaggerated that it cannot be real."

Oh these sentences can go on and on. For weeks as I have been the doubting Thomas, and the one of little faith, but I have also dug deeper into Gods words. I cannot say that God's words were like magic and fixed my doubts, my fears, my beliefs…I wish it was that easy, but it wasn't. It was a struggle, a fight within, and somewhere deep inside, my faith stood her ground (even when I thought my faith was low). My faith, with God's words, is what has been helping me to get out of this funk I have been in.

I know our faith and belief is tested. I also know that our sins are brought to light to clean house. God is making us better, making us rely less on what we think we need, what we think others can give us, and to solely rely on him. As I learn to trust God more, believe more, one by one I am handing over control. Pretty damn scary if I must say, but also relieving… For the first time, I handed God my doubts, my fears every single day. Yup every day God would get my worries, my struggles with my belief, my doubts, my fears, and I would let him have them, and I continue to hand them over…every single day…

 
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